literature

Too Far Gone

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FullofSecrets's avatar
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Literature Text

He's too far gone. That's what they keep telling me when I visit him. He won't remember you, they caution. He won't know you, or know what you're talking about. Still, even as they're telling me all the reasons not to go, I leave anyway, a smile forced onto my lips. I always want to greet him with a smile.
When I get there I see him by the window, staring blankly at an unfamiliar scene. The nurse warns me not to upset him, but she has never said more unnecessary words. I am not a desperate woman clutching to fantasy, I am a loyal partner standing beside her one true love.
I approach him loudly, making sure that he realizes I am there so I don't surprise him. He never liked surprises, I remember. He always thought they were another way to say it was okay to freak someone out and laugh about it. When he hears me he turns, looking at me as if trying to catch reality before it can slip away from him.
There is no recognition in his eyes, just a dead, unhappy stare. Seeing nothing that interests him he turns away, staring back over the field outside his window as if wishing for the escape. Quietly I sit down in the chair beside him, finding the words stick in my throat.
Though I the words "I'm fine" have been said so many times they seem permanently imprinted in my brain, not once have they been true. Of course in public I'm all right. I can smile, and laugh, and sometimes even joke when he is not close on my conscience. It is not a stretch for me to play the part of a person without tragedy. To cry, and moan, and allow self-pity to swallow me would be equivalent to giving up on myself – on him. That is something I cannot do.
Yet even as I sit there, only a few feet between us, I cannot force the words I need to say past the lump in my throat. To me he will always be the man I married. A loyal husband, a brave man, a kind person, and a patriotic American. He will be the man who could make me smile just by entering a room, and who always knew when something really wasn't "fine." He was the one whose touch sent shivers down my spine that were filled with pleasure, and whose whisper could send me giggling like a schoolgirl. This was not the same man, and yet in so many ways, he was.
"Are you one of mother's friends?" he asks me suddenly, turning to look at me with a small frown. I nodded yes, trying to hide the pain that the question always caused me.
"My name is Martha," I say, smiling sadly at him. "Your mother says you have a friend named Martha. She says that you two have been friends for a very long time. Do you remember her?"
He stared at me hard, and for a moment a thought I saw a spark of recognition. In the same instant it was gone, and though he was nodding at me, I did not believe in what he was saying.
"Of course I remember," he said gruffly, looking away.
But he won't remember… He's too far gone.
So... I know I seem to do a lot of stuff involving forgetting and Alzheimer's, but its not my fault this time. =( Every book and show I've seen lately has had something to do with Alzheimer's, and then I looked up a prompt list and a prompt on it was "Too Far Gone". Couldn't resist...

Anyway, critiques are appreciated. Haven't gone back over it for spelling and grammar mistakes, so you're welcome to fix them if you like, but you should know I haven't proof read too much yet.

~Secret
© 2010 - 2024 FullofSecrets
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bloody-thrice's avatar
...That's sad, but true. My Grandpaw and Grandmama both had Alzheimer's. It runs in the family. That scares me. Not just for me, but for my parents and sister and other family members as well. It's not fun... and it's not fair.